Infidelity and the Sexes
November 20th, 2011
“Demi Moor Divorces Ashton Kutcher,” is a news headline difficult to miss these days.”
Not that it is earth-shattering. Millions of divorces are occurring everyday. Neither is the reason for their split. Mr Kutcher’s alleged infidelity is not totally incredulous. What is incredulous is his being caught, not once, but twice
Of course, had they not been celebrities, their divorce would not have caused a ripple. Ordinary mortals like us face it in the eye everyday that it would just have been a gossip, not a news item, had it concerned any of us.
But why do we cheat?
Infidelity is an age-old reality. Throughout our existence, we have always been living under its ghastly shadow. And it will not go away as long as we live.
So it is interesting to know why we do what we do. These are based on my life’s experience. Be a good sport and check out what makes sense to you:
Men:
I was far from a being saintly my entire married life. In fact, I was inclined to write a book of excuses. And two of my current coffee buddies maintain two households
From them and many others, I got these reasons why men cheat:
- To get away from domestic problems:
These can be several. A nagging wife is one and financial problems, another. Whatever it is, it boils down to incompatibility.
- Sexual promiscuity:
Men, by nature, are sex-driven. And he is disposed to have a swing with another woman if the opportunity presents itself. In fact, more often than not, he looks for that opportunity.
- Ego:
This is a great driving force among men. All his accomplishments are driven by ego disguised as needs. His ego drives him to conquer, to collect, to play around, to satisfy no one but himself.
Women:
One of my social networking sites is full of women who are either single moms, widowed, divorced or just plain called it quits with their partners.
Characteristically they still hope to find their soul mates or men who will take them as they are and live with happily ever after.
Call it naiveté. I call it a knee-jerk response to hubbies who were:
- Abusive:
This can either be physical or psychological. Either way, it cuts into the very core of a woman to be treated shabbily by her husband. It makes her to get even.
- Workaholics:
A guy I used to work with practically spent his waking hours in the office. Seeing his marriage at the brink of collapse, he called it quits.
To make amends, he became a church lay minister. Good for God, better for his family.
- Philanderers:
Of the women I met in my social site, this is the primary reason that drives women to dance the tango as well.
- Just plain bores:
Other than the paycheck, wives have other needs, as well. And this is the kind of need a wife is least likely to share or admit. Any man who can pry this need from her will soon have her in bed.
Lovers make better lovers because they explore, they experiment, give something new and exciting. Above all, they spice it up by doing these things in secret. We all love secrets.
The best time of my sexual life was with my 17-year relationship with a married woman. Both of us fell into any one of the reasons above.
It was also my worse – when my wife found it out. It almost broke my marriage, drove my two children away and tormented me like a thousand demons on my back. My sadness over my wife’s death more than four years ago shall remain a burden because of having loved her less when she was alive.
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