Several weeks back I started tracking my posts to see what gets read more often. Surprisingly (or was I, really?), those that are about “sex” got more visits. With my curiosity piqued, I did a Google keyword search to see if this interest goes beyond my blog.

The result? Awesome! Globally, more than 500 million people each month search the Internet for anything related to “sex.” Locally, 68 million per month do so.

Why is sex such an interesting subject?

The Internet is not as specific in the reason as it is in the numbers. There are near missies like a guy who said:

“Some people find it titillating. The thought of speaking to strangers about sex, or just talking about sex itself causes some form of arousal whether it be mental or sexual.”

Or this from Dianne Frolov and Andrew Schneider (which I like better):

“It’s just human. We all have the jungle inside of us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we’re all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies, it’s like a kind of poetry.”

For me, I think people are interested in sex to satisfy our tendency to eavesdrop. We want to know what is going on at the other side of the fence, to “fill in he blanks” in our sex lives or check if we are at par or above vis-à-vis the other guys next door. We want to know how to get the most out of it, like squeezing the last drop of juice from an orange.

We want to affirm if our sex habits are within the norms of some people, like that Woody Allen who said, “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”

Undeniably, sex is so interesting not only because it is one of man’s best experiences, it is also one of the most important of all human emotions (Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich.”)

Sex is more than just an interesting topic of discussion:

Sex is definitely interesting, a wholesome experience, and the highest of human emotions. It is also great for your emotional and physical health.

“Not entirely true,” people bound by the laws of celibacy may object in defense of the virtues of abstinence. Well, celibacy is celibacy and sex is sex and it will be utterly presumptuous to say that one cannot have both.

Anyway, back to the health benefits of sex.

According to researchers, having a regular and enthusiastic sex can give a host of measurable physiological benefits, to both men and women.

Here are some of those:

-   Improved sense of smell.

After a good sex, the production of the hormone prolactin surges. This causes the stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s smell center, the olfactory bulb.

-   Reduced risk of heart disease:

In a 2001 study by the researchers of Queens University, it was found out that people who engaged in sex three or four times a week had 50% less risk of having a stroke.

-   Weight loss, overall fitness:

Other than its emotional and psychological implications, sex, is exercise. It burns 200 calories – roughly equivalent to running 15 mins on a treadmill or an exciting game of squash.

The pulse rate of a sexually aroused person can reach from 70 beats per min to 150 – the same as that of an athlete putting in maximum effort.

-   Prostate health:

A study published by the British Journal of Urology International shows that men in their 20s have a reduced, about 1/3, risk of developing prostate cancer.

They are just a few good reasons why sex is healthy. According to British researchers, sex three times a week can easily burn off calories equivalent to three Big Macs. And the muscular contractions during intercourse are good for the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. It boosts testosterone production, leading to strong bones and muscles.

Big Mac or sex? There is no comparison.

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Dr. Brett Steenbarger wrote, “We have free will only to the degree that we can direct ourselves in goal-oriented ways. When we are burned out, overwhelmed, or just plain tired, we lose that capacity for direction. We drift, rather than act with intent. Even our minds drift, rather than stay focused on goals.”

Dr. Steenbarger is, of course, writing about mental fatigue.

Not necessarily a brain disorder, but can result from a brain injury, mental fatigue can be debilitating to distressful. It can affect your physical wellness, make you totally incapable of doing something worthwhile, meaningful and productive.

You can call it brain burn-out and is the result of brain over-activity – very much like our bodies as a result of being physically over-active. It can last for short periods of time or a lot longer than you would like it to.

The worrisome part is that mental fatigue is not something that happens to us, but something that we cause to happen as a result of low-yield activities or lethargy, negative self-talk and the frustration of unmet needs.

Getting out of it is a lot easier than in getting in. Experts suggest that all you need to do is to get sufficient exercise, get busy with meaningful work and have the right nutrition.

Physical activity like exercising or doing manual jobs, increase the absorption of oxygen into the bloodstream increasing metabolism, resulting to more efficient functioning of the body and its parts.

Proper nutrition, on the other hand, can help you get out of mental fatigue in slightly different ways. These are:

1.    Carbohydrates:

There are two types of carbohydrates: simple and complex.

Simple carbohydrates give you a sudden burst of energy, which is what you need if you run the 100-meter dash. But it dissipates fast and will immediately make you crash resulting to a lot of things including mental fatigue.

If you want to have sufficient energy to last you the entire day, like running a marathon, take complex carbohydrates such as those in whole grain bread, pasta or potato. They take longer to break down and get absorbed in the blood stream.

For added measure, complement it with healthy unsaturated fats and proteins from tuna or carrots. These are good to sustain mental clarity.

2.    Iron:

Lack of iron slows down mental processes, impairing your cognitive performance (acquiring, processing and storing information). A good serving of lentils, soybeans or lean and red meat can take care of your iron needs.

For iron to be readily absorbed into the blood stream, take it with vitamin C from oranges, broccoli or vegetable juices.

3.    Banana:

Start your day with a banana to beat early morning mental fog. Banana is one of nature’s vitamin and mineral resources, such as potassium, which is an important mineral and electrolyte that boosts the energy levels of the body.

It is good to improve mental clarity.

4.    Vitamin B complex:

Vitamin B, such as found in boiled eggs, lean chicken and vegetables, improves body functions such as the central nervous system.

Metal fatigue and depression, though different, share some common symptoms. So it is best to consult a physician lethargic, despondent or just cannot make sense of out everything you do. Depression is one big problem while mental fatigue is easier to deal. Better be sure than sorry.

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Without taking His name in vain, I would say that she must have put a smile on His face.

While it is not up to me, or you, to second-guess God, it is completely alright to find humor in such a tall petition and admit, with a high dose of chagrin, that at middle age, love and sex take on different forms, i.e., love is assumed and sex is presumed.

In such circumstances, relationships can either be like a house allowed to rot or one with a new coat of paint.

Nobody wants to go home to a house with the gate sagging on its hinges, the lawn is un-mowed, the eaves are rotting and about to fall, and door the screen is torn in several places. What goes on inside is best left to the imagination.

So how does one give a relationship a new coat of paint when romance has died down, love becomes difficult to define and sex is like a favorite son gone off to college, cherished for its memories than his presence?

The “how” Is not so much a problem if the “why” is given more weight in evaluating issues relating to middle age relationships. You and your spouse must explore very good and valid reasons in walking that marital road together despite your difficulties. No amount of trying will give meaningful results if you can’t find good reasons for doing it

I and my late wife had our nasty quarrels that sometimes took us to the brink of separation. What cooled us off, and staying together, was the welfare of the children. For us, our children were (and still are), above and beyond our petty quarrels, differences and self-interests.

Make a fruit salad:

Keeping your love and sex lives going at middle age is like whipping up a bowl of fruit salad. You both put in whatever you like to suit your delectable tastes.

Making salad together is easy as friends or partners, not as husband and wife. Friends or partners can easily give or take, they seek and value each other’s opinions, care about and respect what the other does. They are more forgiving of their faults and shortcomings and more supportive of each other.

Friends or partners dwell on their compatibilities, not quarrel over their incompatibilities. And they can laugh at the most inane of things – even those of their own doing.

How to keep it going:

Even the closest of friends can tire of each other for one reason or another. Yours is no exception. To keep it going, reinforce it through the following:

1.  If you must tell your spouse about your day at the office, do it in a positive way:

Negative talk is a downer. It immediately shuts off positive and productive conversation.

2.  Avoid unnecessary complaints:

Venting complaints just for the sake of complaining can fray the nerves of even the most patient person. If you must complain, it is to seek solutions to a problem, not to aggravate it.

3.  Introduce fun time into your daily routine:

Have fun while watching TV, lounging outdoors, dining outside or in the bedroom. This is a test of your compatibility. Having and enjoying fun together increases bonding and makes your relationship more rewarding.

Just like having a fresh coat of paint.

4.  Introduce laughter into your life:

Be silly, not ridiculous. Watch comedy shows together, read jokes, recall embarrassing moments of your life, your childhood. We all have a few.

For relationships that have seen better days, putting on a wardrobe of friendship or partnership may not make it look any better. But it is worth trying. The alternative is not even worth thinking about. I have married friends who have become the best of buddies or partners after years of staying together. If they can do it, so can you.

Impossible? Think again. If you can call those people in your Facebook or Twitter lists as “friends,” why would it be so difficult with your spouse whom you have shared everything with together for so long?

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According to Maxim, a men’s magazine, “Diet cures more than a doctor.”

This is no idle talk. Search “diet” in Google and be amazed at the number of people who are interest in it. Dieting is a multi-billion dollar industry fueled by men and women who want to look young and beautiful.

But there is more to dieting than externals, especially when you hit middle age. You know, that age when, according to Hy Gardner, “a lot of parts in your body hurt, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t function.”

Yes, middle age is when you feel a lot of hurts. But what hurts more is that it creeps on you unnoticed. You know it is upon you when your hair starts thinning or graying or both; crow’s feet start appearing on the corners of your eyes or furrows in between.

You grow a little round in the middle, your biceps musher, and getting out of bed each morning is a struggle. What is more debilitating Is that sex starts to follow a schedule like the commuter bus you take for work.

When you see these signs, you know it is time to watch your health than your age.

What happens at middle age?

When people rich middle age, two body functions begin to need special attention: blood circulation and the nervous system.

Middle aged people are introduced to circulation problems like hypertension, varicose veins, diabetes mellitus, angina, etc., or nervous system problems like Bell’s palsy, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis and many others. They become so real and so close for comfort.

The irony is that we can have much freedom from disease and pain if we only give them the attention they need.

And what is that? Regular exercise and a good diet.

Act your age:

This well-worm saying is often used as a sharp reminder for people to act more socially responsible. It applies, too, where health is concerned.

Not the least are those in middle age. Not only have they had a lifetime acquiring bad health habits, now they have memories that can stand a good reminding every now and then.

These are:

Reminder #1 – Exercise:

No, it doesn’t have to be the heavy-resistance kind of exercise. Anything that keeps your heart muscles pumping, your blood circulating, and your adrenalin going.

Exercise to get rid of your extra calories and carbohydrates, your muscles working and your respiratory system functioning as they should.

It is sometimes amazing to see how people fuss and bother so much over their cars but hardly go outdoors for a good walk or bathe in sunshine even a few minutes each day.

Reminder #2 – Eat according to your age:

When it comes to food, age does matter.

Middle age starts at mid to late 30s and never stops. What people eat from hereon can have telling results on their health as they accumulate more years. The following food types should steer you clear of those treacherous health traps most middle-aged people face:

At age 30 or something:

People in their 30s are presumably building their careers and family. Hence, they need the energy to do both.

Their diet must be loaded with fibers, calcium, folic acid, Omega 3 fatty acids and magnesium

A daily dose of vitamin C to help absorb iron is recommended as well as reduced salt consumption.

At age 40:

At this age, most people are self-actualized and probably start to enjoy life. They have built up an asset base to allow them to take that much-needed vacation.

 At this age, people get to know, and probably have, heart diseases, Alzheimer’s cataracts, certain types of cancer.

Osteoporosis from decreasing bone mass and high levels of cholesterol raising potential cardiovascular diseases.

People at 40 must, therefore, take lots of anti-oxidant from vegetables and beans, vitamins E and B from nuts and iron from liver and lean red meat.

And yes, people at 40 can have regulated amounts of alcohol most days of the week. That’s kind of patting themselves on the back for having reached this far.

At age 50:

People at 50 have their retirement days before their eyes. They are preparing to retire in some quiet place, read a book or write one or start a hobby.

They also must contend with slower metabolism which could make shedding fat more difficult, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and potential type 2 diabetes; joints become stiffer making it difficult and painful to move about.

Women may experience osteoporosis or bone brittleness.

What should people at 50 have in their diet?

Cholesterol-lowering foods like grapes, ginger, turmeric and garlic. They can be mixed with food or taken as juice.

Soya beans help reduce cholesterol levels as well as omega 3 fatty acids from salmon, and calcium as a hedge against bone problems.

They can also have a hearty glass of red wine before retiring each night

At age 60:

They have just retired from work or business. The children are probably married and have their own lives. They can enjoy life to the fullest.

Unfortunately, their senses like taste, smell, sight, hearing and touch are no longer as acute as before. Digestion problems are daily occurrences, not to mention cardiovascular or renal problems.

Pills are a part of their daily meals, making it difficult for their body to absorb certain nutrients from the food they eat.

But they don’t care so much because their appetite is almost always not there.

To offset these changes in body functions, people at 60 must load their diet with lots of fibers to take care of digestive problems, vitamins B12 from meat, fish, eggs, dairy products and fortified breakfast cereals.

They must also help themselves with vitamin D from margarines, eggs and oil-rich fish and have a regular dose of sunshine.

Too much salt is no-no as well as spices like garlic, lemon juice and flavored vinegars or mustard.

It is always nice to celebrate birthdays, regardless of age. Not for having another year added to one’s ever increasing number, but for having made it thus far.

I must admit, though, that I have not celebrated my birthday for a long, long time. Since long ago, I found it more joyful to watch my health than my age. Thus I take daily blood pressure readings, play tennis at least three times a week, take my regular orange juice and several fingers of banana each day.

I find it worthwhile to watch my weight and body mass than my age which, by the way, shall be 64 next month.

Donate $ 1.00. It is a fortune to an orphan.

“To find happiness in this world, especially when youth is past, it is necessary to feel oneself not merely an isolated individual whose days will soon be over, but part of the stream of life flowing on from the first germ to the remote and unknown future.” – Bertrand Russell

Finding happiness is, indeed, an elusive thing for a lot of people in their 60s. Not because of failing eyesight or hearing loss, or thinning hair or other physical changes that come with the accumulation of years.

I don’t even think joint and back pains are happiness spoilers for the elderly – though they certainly hurt a lot.

Among many, the foremost spoiler of happiness is loneliness.

Loneliness is serious business. BBC News considers it the “hidden killer” for the elderly. It can lead to loss of appetite, lethargy, aversion to exercise (a very important component of an elderly’s daily life), depression and many other mental and physical infirmities. And, according to studies, 1 in 10 elderly people suffer from severe loneliness.

It can be physical or mental loneliness. Separating yourself from the throng of humanity is not physical loneliness. It is solitude and it is your choice that can lead to nothing serious but stale saliva for lack of conversation.

The death of a spouse or being alone when your entire being cries for companionship or interaction with others, your inability to connect with those around you, invariably leads to mental loneliness. Like a termite that slowly gnaws at the foundations and walls of a building, mental loneliness can break even the stoutest hearts of men.

Learning to ride the wave:

Do you know why some beach bangers have such a great time with the waves? Because they have learned how to ride it. Becoming old is inevitable. We all grow old. But not all succumb to the loneliness bug. They have learned to ride the waves.

You can do that by:

-  Embracing it:

Accepting that you are no longer young is very liberating. It frees you of the hang-ups of self-denial.

Fighting it will just consume your energies best spent on something worthwhile and productive as a senior. Go with the flow – that’s how to ride the waves.

-  Having fun:

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because the quit playing.”

When I was young, I played tennis for fun. Now that I am old, I still play it because I must. I may not be as fast and nimble with my legs now than before, but the fun I get from it has not diminished one bit.

-  Pursuing a passion:

Jethro Gibbs, of the NCIS series, has a boat in his basement that is never finished. It keeps him busy if he is not solving crimes.

You, too, can have your own boat. Anything that keeps your mind and your hands busy, that keeps you away from self-pity, will do more for your physical and mental health than a dozen prescriptions.

Get involved in social and community activities, volunteer. Doing things for others is a balm to the soul. Happiness is the reflection of the state of one’s soul.

If you are antisocial, stay home and write or learn a new skill like painting, music, gardening, interior decoration, etc.

Exercise. If you were not an exercise buff in your youth, you better start now. The benefits of exercise to seniors are too many to count.

It does not have to be the iron-pumping, muscle-building work-outs you see in TV. A good walk each day will send a lot of oxygen-laden blood to your brain, making it function better. If you want group exercise, join a yoga or tai chi club. These exercises can do wonders for your overall wellness.

Eat and sleep well.

Among the changes that come with getting old is to be able to get by with less, to able to let go of a lot of things we cherished in our youth. You can let go of your extra pairs of shoes, or shirts or pants, but not your friends and acquaintances acquired through the years. Never let go of meaningful relationships, of the people you love and who love you. .

Be poor in material things but never in love. With love in your heart, loneliness cannot dwell.

Love is the well-spring of happiness.

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My late Mom was the life of a party – any party. Be it for the young, middle-aged, old or the very old, she was always sought after. She never seemed to have the blues.

Well, unless she paid me her weekly visits where she unburdened all her cares to me. But even that, she did it in ways that can put a smile on my face when I think about them.

Some people do seem to have an abundant supply of happiness. I have a friend who, she claims, is never without a smile on her face. And a cousin of mine can paint a grin on hers at the drop of a hat.

But I guess you, too, have acquaintances, friends, even mothers or fathers, who are like perpetual springs of happiness, regardless of the situation they are in.

Personality trait, we say of these of people. But is it?

Before putting them under the microscope to see why they ooze with optimism, let’s lay down what researchers call the “framework” in the subject of happiness. Without this framework, we would all be defining happiness in our own terms, very much like the three blind men’s varying definitions of an elephant.

According to researchers, “happiness:”

- Is made up of pleasures, engagement, and meaning;

- Involves both daily positive emotions and a global sense that life is worthwhile.

Any feeling of happiness outside this framework is like flashes of lighting across a dark sky. It cannot accurately ascribe to people who are spontaneously, naturally, and consistently inclined to be happy.

Why are some people naturally inclined to be happy?

According to some studies, happiness, yours and mine, is due to 10% circumstances, 40% choice, and 50% genetics.

By circumstances, is meant personal experiences, occupation, health, income, religious beliefs, marital statues, age, gender, geographic factors, etc.

And choice, are those behavioral and volitional activities which we choose to do, i.e., involvement in civic and social activities, sports, pursuing a hobby, travel, etc.

We may be victims of our circumstances, but we can definitely make a choice whether to be dragged down by them or fight to win.

The choices we make can spell a huge difference for our happiness levels.

But genetics? Yes, some people are genetically wired to see the stars instead of mud, make lemonade when thrown a lemon.

They are never short of a smile and can wiggle themselves out of the tightest situations in life and still say, “That was great.”

The happy genes:

We are all born with the pre-disposition to a certain level of happiness, called the genetic set point or the point at which the happy state stabilizes, no matter what we do or what happens to us.

We inherited this set point characteristics from our both our parents. And these are etched, as a program into an IC (integrated circuit), into the 5-HTT gene.

The 5-HTT gene is responsible of making sure that our nerve cells distribute serotonin (a chemical produced in the brain which helps control mood) fairly and squarely where it is needed the most. It is the operating code of transporting serotonin to the neuron cell walls of our body.

Those inheriting 5-HTT in equal measures from Mom and Dad, studies have shown, are twice as likely to be satisfied with life compared to those who are short from either source.

The 5-HTT gene comes in two versions, the long and the short. And since they are inherited from our parents, they can come in three possible combinations, i.e., “long-long,” “short-short,” and the “long-short,” in between.

People with higher version of the gene, have shown, 35%, to be satisfied with their lives compared with those in the lower version, where only 19% are satisfied (Journal of Human Genetics).

Do you have the happy gene?

I can practically hear you asking yourself that question. I say, never you rob yourself the joys of life by trying to find out if you have it or not.

Do you know the difficulties a salmon face just to go back to the waters it was born in? Insurmountable. Many die along the way, but many still make it where they spawn, then die.

You are a lot better than a salmon, with far nobler purpose. Find that purpose and happiness will be yours for the keeping.

Genetics only determine your tendency to be happy. To be really happy and stay happy is your choice.

Donate $ 1.00. It is a fortune to an orphan.

Something is wrong with my car stereo, forcing me to drive in silent mode for almost a week now. Rather than mope about it, I shifted my attention to another kind of “music.” Those little noise when I step on the brake, accelerate or decelerate, hit a hump, make a turn and so on. Anything that is not normal, outside of the soft purr of the engine, is a cause for alarm.

But I guess, we all do, don’t we?

Which brings me to a very funny question, “If we listen so intently to our cars, why are we not as intense in listening to our bodies?”

Somehow I find it odd to see a lot of people pampering their cars like a lover but are so indifferent to the signals coming from within. A car problem is a car problem which a mechanic can easily fix. A body problem can mean a long hospital stay with a list of specialists attending to you, writing off prescriptions and bills that can make you even more sick.

So next time you show off your shining wheel rims, or your heart-palpitating sound system or your cool leather seats, think of these four good reasons why you should pay more attention to your body than your car:

1.  To achieve happiness:

The key to happiness starts with your body’s signals. Before choosing a certain course of action, ask your body, “How do you feel about this?”

If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, keep away from doing it. If it sends signals of comfort and eagerness, go ahead.

The difference can spell a great deal towards your happiness, which is linked to your wellness.

2.  To manage your weight:

After working out yesterday, I took my weight. To my surprise, I was heavier by about ten pounds from my previous weigh-in.

To let you know how serious this could mean, in my previous weight, my BMI (body mass index) was 23.1, which is well within the norms of 24.9 for my height.

Now, at 24.6, I am skirting the maximum.

If I won’t do something about this, try imagining what will happen if your car is loaded heavier than it is used to for long periods.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t seem to hear their bodies groan from the heavier loads they are carrying.

3.  Maintain balance and good health:

We all came into this world, factory fresh, so to speak. Barring unavoidable glitches in the manufacturing process, we are expected to perform perfectly if put to use according to manufacturer’s specifications, i.e., fed when hungry, quenched when thirsty, given a break after prolonged use, regular check-up, etc.

We begin to malfunction if operated outside of our specifications.

How many have developed ulcers for eating well beyond their hunger pangs, developed bladder problems by not going to the bathroom when they must, loss of productive time due to lack of sleep or liver problems due to excessive alcohol intake?

Just like a high-wire walker, losing your balance can have dire consequences to your health.

4.  Pre-empt more serious medical problems:

A wife of a friend started having lower back problems. Taking it as due to her work as Dean of the College of Nursing in a local university, she had it fixed with body massage,

When it persisted despite her weekly massage, she started taking food supplements. The pain persisted, even becoming worse.

When she lost her appetite and threw up whatever she ate, they went to see a doctor. Upon thorough examination, she was diagnosed to have stage 4 colon cancer.

She died shortly after that.

We all experience episodes of body talks. Headaches, diarrhea, chest problems, dizziness, lower back problems, etc., are daily occurrences we are all so familiar it.

We brush them aside as one of those things to complete our day, like having a cup of coffee. “It will just go away,” or “I am already used to it,” are our normal responses to these body talks.

If it happens often enough for you to get used to, listen more carefully and consult your doctor. Remember, we are built to have balance. Anything outside of it, is a cause for concern.

Just like the tiny little noise in your car when you make a turn, put on the break, hit a hump or many other squeaky little things that will make you drive straight to your mechanic.

Donate $ 1.00. It is a fortune to an orphan.

When I was in the corporate world, approaching middle-age though not in a crisis, our Director for Far East Operation, an American, had a funny way of twitting us by asking, “How’s your sex life?”

The guy had marriage problems, you see, so some of my naughty associates would mumble, “Better than yours.”

So how is your sex life?

When you are in the 30s and above, male or female, chances are that your sex life is like a lamp running low on fuel. It still burns, but is beginning to flicker.

Not that this is something to be embarrassed or shameful about. You are perfectly normal, according to sexual health researchers.

The magic of youth:

Going by a line from a famous song of yesteryears, “What goes up must come down,” age has an inevitable effect on sexuality, albeit, slightly different between men and women.

According to studies, men have their peak of sexual responsiveness and capacity at age 18. Thereafter, it has nowhere to go but down.

Women, on the other hand, have theirs in the 30s and 40s. But their decline is slower than men, kind of landing with a parachute.

Nevertheless, “Life begins at 40…….?”

The timeline of sexuality:

Without getting too immersed in the study’s details, it is very interesting to note that:

- In his younger years, erection is almost as instantaneous as lighting up a bulb at the flick of the switch. But by age 40, there is a significant time delay. When man hits 50 – 60, it is a wonder if it lights up at all. And keeping it lit is as frustratingly unpredictable as the twinkling of the decorative lights at Christmas.

- Women, though their sexuality peaks at 40, will not have vaginal lubrication problems not until they are in their 50s and 60s – when they are old and grey and a granny.

- Average middle-aged men rarely have multiple orgasms. But women of the same age range do not experience a lessening of clitoral sensitivity and can still have multiple orgasms.

It is not difficult to imagine the problems these changes in sexuality can do to a relationship. Stress, depression, illicit affairs, broken marriages, you name and society is full of it.

The irony is that people are more inclined to see a doctor for a common cold than to consult one for sexuality problems.

Have you ever seen a broken marriage from constant sneezing? Probably not, but you do know of divorces due to erectile dysfunction, a.k.a. irreconcilable or psychological differences, in legal parlance.

Let science even the odds:

Sexuality problems are real and they are common. Having one does not make you a pariah. You are among the tribe. And being in the tribe, this has to be brought into the open to your shaman.

One of the most noted shamans in the tribe of the sexually impaired is Jack Annon who prescribes these four approaches to treating the problem:

Make them feel normal:

Self-denial among those afflicted with serious illnesses is very counter-productive in its treatment.

The same thing with sexuality problems; the more you deny it the more it becomes real and irritating.

You must accept that what you are going through is normal among people of the same age as you; and that you just have to go on without giving it much thought.

Letting go is very relieving.

Give them some information:

Here specific and factual information is given based on the sexual problem presented.

This is to separate the truth from myth. Sexual problems are different to different people. To lump them together generically can be confusing and depressing.

Give specific suggestions:

This could entail a visit to another shaman more knowledgeable in the skills of counseling, behavior modification, treatment of premature ejaculation, impotence or vaginismus (painful spasmodic contraction of the vagina in response to physical contact or pressure like that in sexual intercourse).

Intensive therapy:

This is an area where your family physician will not be of much help but can recommend who to go to.

We all grow old. That is an inescapable fact. Together with aging, is the decline in all our faculties. Fortunately science as evolved so much to mitigate these decline. We have glasses for the eyes, hearing aid for the hearing impaired and other contrivances to make life much more enjoyable even in our later years.

Shouldn’t you do something to mitigate the decline in your sexuality? I bet you should. Life devoid of the pleasures of sex is like sitting in a banquet table with your hands tied behind your back.

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Manuel was one of my father’s drinking buddies. In their younger days they drank to get drunk. For that, they paid a very high price. My father died of liver sclerosis at the age of 54.

Manuel lived a lot longer than my father. But about five years ago, he had a stroke, making him walk with a limp for life.

Last year, his favorite son died of heart attack at a very young age of 38. Distraught over his loss, he bothered not to heed the murmurs of his body. The murmur became a shout forcing him to see a doctor. He had stage four colon cancer. A month after diagnosis, he was dead.

Manuel’s case is by no means rare and isolated. It is repeated over and over everyday. People are dying unnecessarily because of failure to listen to body talk. And when they do, it is normally too serious or too late

To avoid getting some potentially serious health problems, here are a few more body talks you should not ignore:

Sleep problems:

Over a cup of coffee a friend confided that his sleeping habits have changed especially after a heavy drinking session.

He is between his late 30s or early 40s. He is overweight and a couch potato. In short, he is a good candidate for high blood pressure and Type 2 diabetes.

If you have the same profile and are having sleep problems as well, it is better to consult your doctor – the same thing I told my friend to do.

Vaginal discharge:

My daughter is an OB-Gyne. And as her unofficial driver, some nights I have to forego good sleep to drive her to the hospital to deliver a baby or attend to a patient with vaginal problems. It is good for her because she gets paid, bad for me because my evening rest is disrupted.

But the point is that vaginal discharge is one of those women health issues never to be ignored. It can be the body’s way of saying that cervical cancer, one of the most common cancer types among women, is just around the corner.

Constipation:

This is the difficulty in emptying one’s bowel.

Do you have a regular bowel movement? On the average, a person is supposed to have one to three per day.

I must have one, at least, when I wake up in the morning even if I have to stay for an hour in the toilet. That’s my way of self-diagnosis.

If you are constipated, or having irregular bowel movement, go and see a doctor. Not only is constipation a real hassle, your colon may not be as good as you hope it to be.

Headaches:

This is one of the most common health issues we experience that we give them no particular attention other than gulping down a few Paracetamols and take a nap, if possible.

Next time you have one, especially if it is recurring, consult your doctor. It may not be that harmless.

Recurring headaches can be early symptoms of brain tumor or meningitis. If it comes with fever, stiff neck, or vomiting, do not brush it aside as one of those things

A headache that comes suddenly, accompanied by slurred speech, vision problems, trouble moving your arms and legs, loss of balance, memory loss, etc, are tell-tale signs of a stroke. Call 911.

Diarrhea:

This is awful. You cannot go out for fear of having to use a toilet in a rush, and staying home means a constant trip to the loo.

Last year I had one that lasted for twelve hours straight. It was horrible.

But recurring diarrhea is something else aside from possible dehydration. It may be due to parasitic infection, Crohn’s disease (inflammation or swelling and irritation of any part of the digestive tract), stomach cancer, pancreas or gall bladder problems and many others.

Acid reflux:

Commonly called heartburn, acid reflux happens when the acid in your stomach “flows back” into our esophagus causing discomfort and pain around the chest.

I have this when I eat fast and flush down my food with carbonated soda. It gives me a feeling of bloated stomach, severe chest pains, breathing difficulties and the urge to give off a large burp.

On the serious side, acid reflux can cause dental erosion, asthma-like symptoms, and esophageal cancer. As a disease, it can be progressive if not treated promptly.

At 64 yrs of age, my body talks to me so many times in any given day that I don’t pay them much attention, i.e., my knees talk to me, my lower back, and my lower legs. But I listen intently if I feel pain in my chest, head, neck, lower jaws and non-muscle related back problems. So far, they don’t last long enough to worry about.

Caution: Listen to body talk, don’t read between the lines

I have an uncle who lives in Canada. He not only listens to his body, he eavesdrops on it. Now he has blood pressure problems, diabetes, knee problems, vertigo and he has a wheel chair in his car for fear of falling down while traversing from one grocery rack to another. He is a walking medical case.

Donate $ 1.00 and give an orphan a life.

I confess that I am a womanizer.

But before banishing me into the inner rings of Dante’s Inferno where adulterers have their eternal rewards, er, punishments. please hear me out

I spend, on average, 10 hours a day in front of my computer. This is no big deal for a guy in his 20s. But how many 63 yr old blokes can spend as much? I bet there are very few of us, if ever.

To give my eyes some rest, I shuttle between my writing and surfing with a visit to my dating site. And since I have been doing this for sometime, I can verily say that I already have an online harem.

My “women” range is age between early 20s to mid 40s, and these I can say about them:

- Women in their 20s offer nice videos which hold much promise for the groins but can hardly say anything to satisfy the brain;

- Women in their 30s are torn between thinking young or thinking old. Their love life may be on the rocks but their sex life is smoothly a-sail, though not necessarily with their hubbies.

Communicating with them is like sending a message into outer space. You wait for a light year before getting a reply

- But the women in their 40s are really something. They have a lot to tell and can keep an online conversation very exciting. Some of their pictures sooth my eyes better than the best eye drop.

They are either single moms, missed the boat, separated, widowed or plain abandoned. If they are still married, they are going their separate ways to find love and sex.

Most have grown-up kids. While a few get support from their ex, a lot have to fend for themselves.

Needless to say, they are tough, yet traumatized by a relationship gone sour, bad or even worse.

Some have accepted their lots as one of those unpalatable things in life, while others have harbored deep hatred for their ex, in particular, and men, in general.

In any case, they still hope to have a second chance at a meaningful and lasting relationship.

Who does not, anyway? According to studies, middle-aged women are more prone to have sex fantasies than their younger sisters. They can be bold and adventurous to prove that they still have got what it takes to satisfy their man. And they are right. Sex with middle-aged women (other women) is generally satisfying and memorable

But here’s the rub. While sex is still way up there in their wish list, they just cannot do it with wild abandon for fear of being hurt again. Their trauma keeps in the way of taking risks, which are necessary in their age range. So they wait, and wait, and wait for high Heavens to drop them a guy who can:

Be their soul mate:

What is a soul mate? According to Yahoo Answers, a soul mate is the “other you.”

Wow! Isn’t it weird? If the first union didn’t do well, how could the second be any better? Remember, it takes two to tango.

And there’s no guarantee a soul mate, if one exists, is not already taken. Mine was another man’s wife

Love them forever:

For a guy “who has seen this, done that, been there,” this is kind of creepy. It’s a kind of collar that weighs a ton.

And how long is forever? For middle-aged men and women, it could be between 10 to 15 years. That’s an awfully long time for hell on earth if things don’t work out well. .

Love me for who or what I am:

This is a real no-brainer. It’s kind of an “as is, where is” offer to sell. As if she’s saying ”Take me, lock, stock and barrel and there is no return or exchange.”

Wow! Quite a tough deal for any man to make.

Support my needs:

Middle-aged men are looking for meaningful relationships, not support a charity or an orphanage.

Those who are older are, in most cases, need supporting, not to the other way around.

Last time I heard, besides, is that we are all obliged to support ourselves.

Love and sex for my “women” have been put on hold for varying lengths of time. Some have been loveless for 4 years while others, as long as 15. They all profess to be honest, so I don’t doubt about their lack of love but there might be some white lies in the “lack of sex” part.

For the men who can open their hearts, they are willing to open their arms and legs. Not that there is a shortage of men who are eager to do that. It is all a matter of agreeing on some priorities. Middle-aged women have “love and sex” arranged in that order while middle-age men have it “sex and love.”.

Ooooppppsss. Me and my big mouth again.

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