Do you want to live longer?

Hypothetical the question may be, surveys show that most people do want to live long, but not longer. Sounds crazy doesn’t it?

Not for 75% of those surveyed who want to live long but not to a very old age of 100. Gosh, that’s quite a dream when the people I know consider living up to 70 a bonus.

I hope to live as long as I can, but not to a specific number of years.

I find some disconnect in the words live and long. If your life is bereft of happiness and ridden with illnesses, living long may just prolong your misery a little longer.

At any rate, to live longer is a not a matter of choice but a function of genetics, life style, environment and the food you eat.

You cannot do much about genetics and the other two are usually self-created. But these foods, health experts suggest, can give you a few mores years of life:

These are:

Chocolate:

A 2011 study of Harvard School of Public Health showed that the flavonoids in cacao are associated with reduced blood pressure, improve blood vessel health, control cholesterol levels and general blood flow – all are protection against heart disease.

Before jumping with joy and splurge on chocolate, however, be informed that  80% of the chocolate bars you pick off grocery racks are pure sugar and have no flavonoids at all.

If you hope to get the most out of chocolate, munch on something that contains 70 to 75% cocao. Or you can take food supplements that contain no less than 400 to 450 mg of cacao flavonoids.

Coffee:

Not a coffee drinker? Better start doing drinking now – decaf or caffeinated.

No, you don’t have to drink a tank-full of coffee each day, either. One to three cups a day are sufficient to protect you from prostate problems.

Researchers at Harvard School of Public Health are not sure if there are other active substances in coffee, aside from caffeine, that are responsible for their surprising findings. But they did observe that men who regularly drink coffee have 20% lower risk of developing prostate cancer and 60% lower risk of getting lethal prostate cancer compared to those who don’t.

Watercress:

This is a fast-growing, aquatic or semi-aquatic, green leafy plant native to Europe and Asia. It holds the distinction of being one of the earliest vegetables consumed by man.

Another distinction is that a compound in watercress can “turn off” the signal that sends the flow of blood to a tumor, stopping it in its tracks.

Through a limited study done by England’s University of Southampton, watercress was observed to inhibit the growth of breast cancer tumors. Although the study was limited and needs more research, they suggested that it can do no harm to add watercress into your diet.

Walnuts:

Most nuts are considered superfoods because of their high concentrations of unsaturated fatty acids, like omeg-3a, which help lower bad cholesterol and decrease the risk of heart disease.

However, in a 2011 study in Scranton University in Philadelphia, scientists were able to show that walnuts contain twice the amount of antioxidants per ounce than peanuts and almonds – the most popular nuts consumed in the U.S.

This means that walnuts are not only good to help lower cholesterol levels, they  also help manage your weight by providing satisfying heart-healthy fats and protein.

Olive oil:

Olive oil has long been associated with the heart-healthy Mediterranean diet.

Recent studies among the elderly show that those who regularly consume olive oil were 41% less likely to suffer stroke compared to those who do not.

Researchers cannot exactly pin the reason for this except to infer that the oleic acid in olive oil decreases the body’s absorption of saturated fats.

Apples:

A study done by the Florida State University among postmenopausal women showed that those who ate 75 grams of dried apples a day had a 23% drop in LDL or bad cholesterol and a 4$ increase in HDL, the good cholesterol, compared to those who did not.

What’s more, they also found out that the 240 calories from the apple slices did not cause the participants to gain weight. In fact,, they lost 3.3 lbs over the course of the study.

Whole grains:

Whole grains are food types that contain all the essential parts and naturally-occurring nutrients of the entire grain seed.

If the grain was processed (cracked, crushed, rolled, extruded and/or cooked), the food product must, approximately, have the same rich balance of nutrients of the original grain seed.

A new study found that whole grains, i.e., stone-ground whole-grain bran, brown rice, and oatmeal, can help protect against coronary heart disease and improves digestive health.

They improve insulin sensitivity, making you control your sugar levels and slows down the body’s absorption of cholesterol, resulting to a lower risk of heart disease.

Red wine:

In moderation, red wind consumption has been found to give you positive health benefits.

According to the researchers from the University of Florida, its concentration of reservatrol, polyphenol compound, has anti-aging properties, anti-carcinogenic, anti-inflammatory and is also an anti-oxidant

It also increases HDL and lowers LDL, has a modest effect on blood pressure, dilates blood vessels to improve blood flow to the brain and heart and lowers insulin resistance.

Researchers, however, caution against over-consumption, to the point of becoming an alcoholic.

The above have been studied to give you a few more years of life if consumption is within healthy limits. They are easy to reach, inexpensive and requires no special diet plans to ingest.

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Have you tried aromatherapy? A what? You might ask with much incredulity.

Well, long before we had doctors, or the precursors of one, there were people who gathered herbs and flowers, extracted oil from them, and used these to treat various illnesses in that period.

But with the advent of modern and traditional medicine, it faded into obscurity, except for some hardy followers who kept in the shadows for fear of being laughed at.

Now, with more and more people wanting to find miracle cures for a myriad of health issues never known before, it is given a new and fresh look.

What is aromatherapy?

It is one of those non-traditional medicine types uses essential oils and other aromatic plant compounds to improve a person’s health or mood.

The theory behind aromatherapy is that the inhalation and absorption of these essential oils stimulate the part of the brain connected to smell – the olfactory system. The olfactory system them sends signals to the limbic system – the part of the brain which controls emotions, giving people a relaxed feeling, calm or even stimulated.

What are these essential oils made of?

An essential oil is, well, an “oil” taken from the distillation of the leaves, stems, flowers, bark, roots, or other parts of a plant.

The term “oil”: is a misnomer because these distillates do not have an oily-felling at all. Maybe it was coined for lack of a better term then.

Most oils are clear, but those from patchouli, orange and lemongrass are amber or yellow.

They contain the true essence of the plant it was derived from and are highly concentrated that a little amount can go a long way.

Aromatherapy and happiness:

What comes into your mind at the mention of the word “aromatherapy?”

For most people, aromatherapy and its essential oils are always connected with emotional well-being.

Although they admit that it should not be considered a miracle cure for serious emotional issues, but it can assist, sometimes greatly, cure some of these. They are vague, however, what these emotional issues are.

They claim that the proper use of these oils “may enhance your emotional outlook and provide support and help balance your emotions during the day.

Aromatherapy and the elderly:

Aromatherapy works by the absorption and inhalation of the essentials oils by the body through massage or bath treatments.

In the past several years, a number of clinical studies were done to see its effects on the elderly. These studies showed a significant impact on behavioral problems among patients with dementia.

They also showed these positive results, among others:

-   Increased alertness, raised motivation, reduced levels of agitation, wandering and withdrawal;

-   Some essential oils affect the nervous system and reduced blood pressure;

-  The relaxing and calming effects through massage, bath and inhalation therapies relieve stress, tensions and anxieties;

-  Some essential oil blends have been found to be good for dry, cracked skin and bed sores;

-  Lavender essential oil is an anti-depressant, antibacterial, astringent, analgesic, antispasmodic, anticonvulsive, deodorant, diuretic, etc.

What do the critics say?

Of course, it has its critics, too.

Unbelievers consider aromatherapy unscientific and wishful thinking; that, though it makes you feel good, it cannot make you well.

Well, I guess this is again a case of “Food to one is poison to another.”

I used to go to a Thai massage parlor that uses a lot of these oils. Though I am not against aromatherapy, but I can’t stand the smell of these oils.

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My last post seemed ages ago. It was posted last Jan 3 and titled “Have a Cup of Coffee to Start the Year.”

So much has happened since then, except to keep this blog fresh. I have written twenty articles for a business blog I am ghostwriting for and I have had several cups of coffee in my favorite coffee shop with my usual group of elderly gentlemen.

And what do men like us, talk about? Oh, we talk about a lot of things, mostly politics and business and women in between.

Actually, most of them talk about “chicks.” But that would not be politically correct for men of my age, is it? Besides, we would like to think of ourselves as dandy old men, not dirty.

Definitely, we have our own preferences of women. Some like them young, I like them mature. Age differences aside, we are of the same mind that the women that we prefer to have around are those who are:

1. Passably beautiful:

If she’s gorgeous, it is a bonus. But we are not that picky.

I guess this is a result of a lifetime of seeing our spouses early mornings, with their faces undone. We need a change in scenery.

The saying “Beauty if skin deep” has no meaning for men of advanced in age; we just don’t have the time to explore what lies beneath

2.  She must be interesting to be with:

Men of my age love “players.” No, not the dirty connotation of it but one who can be wholesome in demeanor, talk sensibly, not too loud, don’t engage in gossip and can laugh at the drop of a hat

Being elderly can be very lonely and the last thing we want to have a cup of coffee with is a woman who cannot hold her own in good conversation.

3.  Has a mature outlook about sex:

Elderly men are bored with prudes. Nor do they like women who hop into bed with them at the slightest hint. Though they imagine a lot, sexually, they are not usually up to the job without first loading up on the blue pill.

Sex and sexuality are always a nice discussion piece between men and women, but men of my age are poor impromptu speakers. We like it prepared.

4.  Capable to handle men and his idiosyncracies:

Elderly men can sometimes act like a child and would relish someone who can “baby” them through these moments of senility.

Men of my age like to have some degree of space, of freedom. But we don’t like to be left alone, either. We love women who can hover around, yet without being too obtrusive.

5. Affectionate but not doting:

Aging can do strange things to men. A man who was once stubbornly single-minded and independent in his youth can become as soft as a marshmallow in later years.

Men like these need someone who can show them how to walk the walk without acting like a crutch. We need someone around us, but not all over us.

Men of my age generally have “done this and seen that.” But that does not mean we are impervious to little acts of affection and good will, of good conversation, of gratefulness and lots and lots and lots of good banter. In fact, we need them more than ever.

To be an elderly is to strive, more than ever, for nothing but to be happy and healthy. And yes, to have a fine woman who can tell him that.

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The euphoria of celebrating the New Year has began to wane and we are now trying to sort out the things left off at the onset of the holiday season.

And what a sorting out it is. Bills to pay, projects half-done, cleaning up the mess left by the celebrations, and all the other things people usually attend to at the beginning of the year. Not least among these is how to get rid of the extra weight from the excesses celebrations are always guilty of.

To calm our edgy nerves, we get hold of a cup of strong black coffee. Some call this a death wish while others a means for survival.

Through generations, people have always had a love-hate relationship with this brew that originated from the tropics. When I was in the insurance business, one of the favorite scare stories among life insurance underwriters is this:

“If you are middle-aged, a workaholic, smokes and drinks coffee, you are a candidate for coronary heart problems”

But is coffee really that bad?

There really is no clear answer to that except to say that “one man’s poison is another man’s meat.”

I guess we all have had a huge dose of the bad boy image coffee so I’d like to leave it at that. No sense in rubbing salt on an open wound.

But coffee does have a good boy image, too. And that’s what I’d like to dwell on.

The good side of a cup of coffee:

Coffee contains caffeine, a drug that affects the central nervous system. In moderate amounts, it can increase alertness and reduce fine motor coordination. Now you know why the urge to grab a cup of coffee is strongest when we are at the edgiest.

Aside from that, researchers have recently observed that a cup of coffee can:

1.   Ward off depression:

A study conducted by the Harvard School of public health showed that women who regularly drink fully caffeinated coffee had 20% lower risk of depression than those who don’t.

2.   It may promote healthy weight:

The caffeine in a cup of coffee decreases the rate at which the stomach dumps its contents into that part of the intestines where digestion takes place making our body to slowly process the meal we eat.

No, downing a cup after a meal is not going to work. Rather sip it slowly to help the stomach do its job effectively.

3.   It may boost male fertility:

Studies done at the HRC Fertility in California shows that caffeine has a positive effect on sperm motility – the ability of sperm to move towards an egg, thus increasing the chances of getting a woman pregnant.

And it doesn’t matter whether you drink a cup or 10 cups. The effect is the same.

Don’t mistake fertility and libido, though. Coffee may make you alert, not necessarily horny.

4.   It may reduce your risk of getting skin cancer:

Studies done at the Brigham and Women’s Hospital showed that women who drank more than three cups of coffee a day had a 20% lower risk for squamous cell carcinoma and melanoma and a 9% risk reduction in men.

Nothing is said about the deadlier forms of skin cancer so it is still prudent to use a good sun blocker if you stay outdoors long periods of time.

5.   It is not really addictive:

A coffee drinker does not a coffee addict make.

Studies done at the University of California at Davis show that caffeine is not addictive and the World Health Organization states that “it is wrong to compare caffeine intake and drug addiction, since people can reduce or eliminate caffeine from their diet without any serious psychological or physical problems from a true drug addiction”

Serious coffee drinkers, however, may experience fatigue and irritability if they don’t get their regular dose.

People who consume six small cups of coffee a day belong to this category.

You still feel edgy and couldn’t get started a few days into the new year? Grab a cup of coffee. It will do you much good.

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Almost a month ago, I resolved to keep this blog as fresh as a new-born babe. Then I was offered to ghostwrite a business school blog and, pfffftt, my resolution vanished as fast as I could make it.

A few days from now, we will greet a new year. As always, people, like me, will be driven to a frenzy making resolutions, vowing to turn a leaf as new as the coming year.

A few will give their darndest to live out their resolutions while most will forget it before Valentine’s Day.

Old habits die hard and a few lines of desires are not enough to kill it. It needs a steam roller.

But if you must turn a new leaf and really want to make it stick, this formula is going to help you do just that.

1.   Have a realistic goal:

By realistic, I mean something that you can do, with a little bit of pain, perhaps. It must be specific and doable.

“To lose weight” is not specific, even if it is doable.

“To lose 10 pounds within two months from now,” is specific and doable if you suffer a little bit in your calorie intake and exercise a lot.

And pick only one. Don’t cheat yourself by having a fallback position.

2.  Do it now:

Procrastination is the nemesis of a good many intentions. If you want to do it, start now.

Settle yourself in a quiet place, and think of the things you want to change in your life the coming year.

Pick one, write it down and start planning on how to accomplish it. Put in milestones so you can track your progress.

3.  Start small:

Don’t choke yourself to death by biting more than you can chew. Consider having a resolution as a marathon, not a hundred-meter dash.

Go easy. Do the small things first, going to the bigger and more difficult tasks in your plan.

4.  Don’t make a re-run of past resolutions:

People have the habit of re-running past resolutions. If you did not do that well enough last year, there’s no reason you can do better this year.

If you must do a similar thing, give it a little twist. Rectify those things you had difficulty or missed doing

5.  Change does not happen overnight:

A habit is an act done over and over again. It may start as something uncomfortable. But if done repeatedly, you will soon learn to embrace it. It will become a part of you.

This process applies to both good and bad habits. It takes time to set in and take roots. If you want it badly enough, it will come. Just give it time.

6.  Get up when you fall down:

Nothing can be worse than staying down when you fall. And you will fall down, repeatedly. Remember, you can never lose if you don’t quit.

So keep your momentum up. The best boxers are those who throw the most  punches. Pretty soon, one of them, a haymaker, will find its mark resulting to a knock-out.

7.  Get support from family and friends:
Think of pursuing a resolution as a journey. You can either go the entire distance alone or have your family and friends to cheer you all the way.

Which of the two scenarios will get you there more successfully?

Of course, there are times they may discourage you, deride you, cause you to fall.

Talk to them and let them know that you need their support, not their ridicule.

Good luck! You need tons of it.

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When I was young I had bouts of stomach ache and bloating that usually occurred early in the morning or late nights. The doctor in the family, my grandmother, prescribed hot-water compress on my stomach. If that didn’t work, she had me take a very bitter laxative.

Over the years I learned how to keep away from things which, I suspect, caused them. Unless I am to deliver a speech, which was always preceded by severe stomach cramps or have an occasional diarrhea from bad food, I knew not what IBS is.

Of course, probably due to ignorance or the word didn’t exist then, I simply didn’t know that what I had were IBS episodes.

Anyway, this post is not to give a historical account of my stomach problems but to underscore the fact that IBS can be treated the doctor’s way or grandma’s way.

Here are few of them.

Medical remedies:

There’s good news and bad news re treatment of IBS, medically. The bad news is that there is no treatment for IBS, per se. The good news is its symptoms can be treated.

There are medications for constipation and diarrhea. To control colon muscle spasms and reduce abdominal pain, antispasmodics are sometimes recommended as well as antidepressants to relieve some symptoms.

However, both drugs, antispasmodics and antidepressants, can worsen constipation making it necessary to use other drugs to relax bladder and intestinal muscles.

Consult your physician who knows best.

Natural remedies:

If you are averse in the use of drugs, you can opt for natural medications to treat your irritable bowel syndrome.

My grandma’s natural cure for my stomach problems will not be very handy in the busy world of today. It’s not easy to be pressing hot-water bottles against your tummy while going about your day’s activities.

There are several books devoted to the natural treatment of IBS. One such book, The Secrets to Curing Irritable Bowel Syndrome by Kelly Parks-Hoffman, tops the best-seller list in Clickbank.

It is a product of long years of study in the use of natural remedies, not only for IBS, but of the holistic approach to wellness.

In a world hungry for green technology, this is a good reference material for the natural treatment of your IBS.

Self-help remedies:

In a general sense, you can do your share by watching your diet and your stressors.

Stressors are events, things, situations and circumstances that stress you out.

Stress stimulates the colon spasms in people with IBS. Like the heart and the lungs, the colon is partly controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which responds to stress.

This explains my severe stomach cramps before delivering a speech.

Some evidence suggests that IBS is also affected by the immune system which, in turn, is affected by stress. I am sure that you know that stress can engender a lot of other medical ailments; and it is one of the major killers, world-wide.

If your IBS is wearing you down, check if your stress level is wearing you out.

If you are not as tight as a guitar string, check your diet.

A lot of food that we eat greatly contributes to whatever stomach problems we have.

This year I checked into a hospital in two separate occasions. he first was for severe constipation and, in the second, for diarrhea that almost dried me out. . Both situations were food-related.

Consult your nutritionist to see what food types suit you best.

No treasure is more precious than our overall wellness. IBS, though not life-threatening as it is, can severely affect your day, your life, your happiness and  fitness.

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What do you do when you wake up each morning?

I say a little prayer of thanks for having had a good night’s sleep and the chance to see another sunrise. Then I go to the toilet for my early morning ritual.

There are days, however, when the prayers would be more appropriate after using the toilet. When (and there are so many people with the same problem), it would require the effort of a weightlifter to dispose of the previous day’s waste.

When after all the huffing and puffing, with sweat running down my forehead, only a trickle, if ever, comes out of my bowel though I still feel full in my stomach.

Conversely, there are days when my stomach feels like being twisted like a knot,   and my bowel is discharging like a never-ending stream.

If you have a recurring experience like this, chances are that you have the IBS or irritable bowel syndrome.

What is IBS?

IBS is a disorder commonly manifested by stomach cramps, abdominal pain, bloating, constipation or diarrhea.

Though it does not result to permanent and serious harm to the intestines, it can give severe discomfort and distress. It is never nice to make a mad rush to a toilet when you are outdoors or engaged in an important task.

IBS is fairly common. According to estimates by the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, roughly one in five Americans suffer from IBS, making it the most common disorder in a physician’s clinic.

IBS affects women more than men and 50% of the people affected by it are around the age of 35 onwards.

What causes IBS?

Despite its being such a common disorder, researchers are still facing a blank wall re its specific cause.

For now, have possibilities such as:

-    Sensitivity and reaction to some foods and stress;

-    Irregular movement of the colon;

-    Bacterial infection;

-    Abnormal functioning of the immune system.

How would you know if you have IBS?

When something is wrong with my car’s internals, I have it checked by a qualified and certified mechanic. You can do less with your body’s internals.

If you feel something is wrong inside, check in with your doctor. The following is a rough guide when to do so:

-    Abdominal pains, bloating and discomfort that won’t go away with your ordinary laxatives;

-    Frequent occurrence of constipation;

-    Frequent diarrhea;

-    Alternating and long-running diarrhea and constipation;

Constipation is often induced by the type of food we eat and insufficient liquid intake.

Diarrhea, on the other hand, can be induced by bacteria in the food we eat, stress and allergy.

If one or both persists for long periods of time, or goes away and comes back, a medical check up is needed.

IBS is a disorder affecting the normal functioning of the colon. Though it is common and has never shown to result to more serious illnesses of the digestive system, you must have it checked by your physician.

Anything that affects the colon should not be taken lightly.

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A married woman who lives across the street was diagnosed with breast cancer early on. It was removed and she is currently as healthy as a babe.

On the other hand, a former associate succumbed to the disease after a very long, painful and costly struggle.

I am sure we all have our separate stories to tell about it, either close to home or among friends and acquaintances. In every case, we lump it into one generic disease – breast cancer.

But since it is so common, common enough perhaps to become personal, it is worthwhile to know more about this disease that regularly claims the lives of more than 40,000 women each year in the U.S. alone.

Breast cancer types:

There are basically seven types of breast cancer. Some of these are:

1.   Ductal Carcinoma In-Situ (DCIS):

This is the early type of breast cancer. It is confined in the inside of the ductal system of the mammary gland.

2.   I nfiltrating Ductal Carcinoma (IDC):

This is the most common type of breast cancer, accounting for roughly 80% of the total cases. They appear as star-like or rounded lesions in mammograms. The star-like lesions, generally, have very poor prognosis.

3.   Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC):

This is called inflammatory because they make the breast look swollen and red. Though very rare, about 1 to 5% of the total cases, it is very aggressive.

How serious is it?

-    Among women, regardless of race and ethnicity, breast cancer is second to skin cancer in prevalence;

- Among women between 20 – 59 yrs old, it is the second cause of death; overall, it is the seventh;

-    In the U.S., a new breast cancer case occurs every three minutes and a woman dies from the disease every 13 mins;

-    The American Cancer Society estimated 192,370 new cases of breast cancer in 2009.

Hedging against breast cancer:

Generally, breast cancer is curable with the current advances in technology and treatment.

My neighbor is an example. Aside from being a regular church – goer and a natural sunny disposition, her complete cure could have been due to any, or all, of the following:

-     It was detected early;

-    She had one of the less  aggressive types of breast cancer like “infiltrating lobular carcinoma” which respond well to therapy;

-    Her genes were on her favor;

-    She responded well to medication and reinforced by her lifestyle.

The key to breast cancer survival is early detection. Nobody knows your body more than you do. Listen to it. If there’s anything out of sync, don’t guess. See a physician.

Your risk goes a little higher if you have a family history of the disease. Otherwise, hedge yourself against it by keeping a healthy body mass index (BMI), exercise regularly, minimize your alcohol intake and have a healthy diet.

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“Demi Moor Divorces Ashton Kutcher,” is a news headline difficult to miss these days.”

Not that it is earth-shattering. Millions of divorces are occurring everyday. Neither is the reason for their split. Mr Kutcher’s alleged infidelity is not totally incredulous. What is incredulous is his being caught, not once, but twice

Of course, had they not been celebrities, their divorce would not have caused a ripple. Ordinary mortals like us face it in the eye everyday that it would just have been a gossip, not a news item, had it concerned any of us.

But why do we cheat?

Infidelity is an age-old reality. Throughout our existence, we have always been living under its ghastly shadow. And it will not go away as long as we live.

So it is interesting to know why we do what we do. These are based on my life’s experience. Be a good sport and check out what makes sense to you:

Men:

I was far from a being saintly my entire married life. In fact, I was inclined to write a book of excuses. And two of my current coffee buddies maintain two households

From them and many others, I got these reasons why men cheat:

-    To get away from domestic problems:

These can be several. A nagging wife is one and financial problems, another. Whatever it is, it boils down to incompatibility.

-    Sexual promiscuity:

Men, by nature, are sex-driven. And he is disposed to have a swing with another woman if the opportunity presents itself. In fact, more often than not, he looks for that opportunity.

-    Ego:

This is a great driving force among men. All his accomplishments are driven by ego disguised as needs. His ego drives him to conquer, to collect, to play around, to satisfy no one but himself.

Women:

One of my social networking sites is full of women who are either single moms, widowed, divorced or just plain called it quits with their partners.

Characteristically they still hope to find their soul mates or men who will take them as they are and live with happily ever after.

Call it naiveté. I call it a knee-jerk response to hubbies who were:

-    Abusive:

This can either be physical or psychological. Either way, it cuts into the very core of a woman to be treated shabbily by her husband. It makes her to get even.

-    Workaholics:

A guy I used to work with practically spent his waking hours in the office. Seeing his marriage at the brink of collapse, he called it quits.

To make amends, he became a church lay minister. Good for God, better for his family.

-    Philanderers:

Of the women I met in my social site, this is the primary reason that drives women to dance the tango as well.

-    Just plain bores:

Other than the paycheck, wives have other needs, as well. And this is the kind of need a wife is least likely to share or admit. Any man who can pry this need from her will soon have her in bed.

Lovers make better lovers because they explore, they experiment, give something new and exciting. Above all, they spice it up by doing these things in secret. We all love secrets.

The best time of my sexual life was with my 17-year relationship with a married woman. Both of us fell into any one of the reasons above.

It was also my worse – when my wife found it out. It almost broke my marriage, drove my two children away and tormented me like a thousand demons on my back.  My sadness over my wife’s death more than four years ago shall remain a burden because of having loved her less when she was alive.

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“No longer forward nor behind I look in hope and fear;

But grateful take the good I find,

The best of now and here.” – John G. Whittier.

I don’t know if Mr. Whittier directed those wonderful lines to elderly people like me. At 63 yrs of age, I certainly feel alluded to. Don’t you think so?

If there’s a time in a man’s life that he takes “happiness” as a state of being rather than of having, it is when he is old and gray.

At this age our lights can go off anytime, our breaths, our last. So while we feel the warmth of sunshine against our face and hear the birds sing, why not make a sunshine within ourselves so others can hear our souls sing like a lark attracting a mate?

I know it’s a tall order for most. It’s like asking one to dance the bogey on a pair of arthritic legs. I feel it sometimes, as a matter of fact. But to give in is to surrender and surrender I won’t, till I drop.

So here are a few things I urge guys of my age do to be happy even when gray:

Never even think that you are old:

To do so would be to put yourself in a box – a box of old toys, used clothing and other relics of the past which are too precious for the thrash can but worthless for a garage sale.

Think of yourself as a person who’s seen and done much and whose data base is full of wisdom so timeless and precious to enrich the lives of those around you – assuming, of course, that you lived a full life.

Learn to live with diversity:

I am blessed with two kids, a girl and a boy. They grew up with the same love and caring and the discipline of boot camp. Yet they grew up to be entirely different in a lot of things in life.

Being a widower I have to be both father and mother to two adult people who  love me so much, I think, that they still refuse to marry.

I have learned to accept not to create a fuss when my daughter will just announce that she is going to Singapore to visit a friend or my son to sleep over at his fiancée’s house.

Uuugggghhhh! The things young people do these days.

Be alone, but not lonely:

Of the inescapable facts of being an elderly, I find this the most difficult to cope with.

Both my children are out of the house most of the time, leaving me alone. The look in my wife’s face a few seconds before she died has remained a default in my brain; of how I dragged her to the car hoping that she will be revived when we get there.

These and many other crazy things I did can easily creep into my mind, making me feel melancholic and suicidally lonely

I keep them at bay by switching my mental channels and think, instead, of healthy, productive, happy and life-giving thoughts.

Take up a hobby or pastime:

As a freelance writer, a blogger and online business entrepreneur, I am well-covered.

On the side, I donate something to an orphanage to give hope to young kids.

We are all gifted with something. Find out what is yours and exploit it to the fullest. Never, ever, be glued in front of a TV set munching on something that gives you nothing but a stronger desire to do nothing.

Keep fit:

There’s nothing like a healthy body to make a healthy mind. Compromise one and you compromise the other.

At my age, I still play tennis, visit the gym and do tai chi.

Oh yes, my knees and hips are complaining. But it’s nothing that Tylenol couldn’t take care of.

Be sexually active:

There’s no doubt that sex is one of the determinants of being happy and fit. Let not the tolls of age worry you. Science can take car of that.

But nothing can take care of a mind that has given up on the spice that gives life a wonderful flavor.

Our needs diminish as our age increase. It means we are no longer burdened with having to make a choice among a lot of alternatives.

Which means that if given the choice between making an endless string of visits to my doctor or sit in a coffee shop and watch an endless flow of beautiful girls pass by, I would take the second choice anytime? Wouldn’t you?

Donate $ 1.00 and give an orphan a life