The devil made an easy prey of Fr Karras in the 1973 movie, “The Exorcist,” by showing him images of his old mother that he abandoned to die in a nursing home. In the real world, however, we find it convenient to have our elderly parents spend the remaining days of their lives in the care of others - a cruel twist in fate no matter how one looks at it.
Coping with growing old:
In some respects, growing old is an adventure. It is like fitting a different pair of shoes or having a different set of clothes. Lines are shorter for the elderly and prices are lower. What lies ominous is the uncertainty of a resting and nesting place when they are no longer capable of doing simple things by themselves. Will they be bundled off to some nursing home to be cared for by strangers or will they be cared for in their own homes, the same way they cared for their children when they were young?
Home care is love care:
To still my own uncertainties and, hopefully, to allow some children out there who are agonizing over the decision, I visited some elderly forums, learning from those who face these realities daily. What they say of the patients in nursing homes are not very encouraging. On the other hand, their preference for home care is based on the following reasons:
1. No change in surroundings:
Change can be traumatic, even for young and healthy people. Imagine what it can do to aging parents suddenly placed in a strange room, strange bed, and strange people. Remember the phrase, “there’s no place like home?” That is even more reassuring for the elderly;
2. Be independent:
People in the 60s and above generally have settled on a kind of life routine impossible to change. They want to be what they have always been - to do what they wish to do, when to do them and how to do them. While it is true that at some point in the future they may not be able to do them as well as they do now, but they certainly don’t want to be told what to do, when and how to do each of the little things that needs to be done. Besides, to be free is life itself.
3. Cost effective:
Depending on how things are managed, generally home care will be a lot less expensive than a nursing home.
4. Care is focused:
In an institution, care for one is shared by many losing sight of the individual needs of a patient. Care at home covers all the needs of the patient, especially the most important element for an elderly - companionship.
5. Be with friends and relatives, even the neighborhood grocer:
If everything else is equal, this, alone, is a terrific plus factor for an elderly on home care.
To take a walk along familiar streets, have a pleasant conversation with old, familiar faces, sit on a bench in a familiar park, or to say “Hi” to a friend in the convenience store nearby are things not available to a patient in an institution.
6. Control over what they eat:
Granting that the elderly is on a special diet, it still means a lot to them to have a say on what they would like to have for the day rather than to a menu on the door of their room, all of which don’t appeal to their appetite on that particular day.
I could have held her hands:
Two things concerning my Mom’s death will be forever etched in my mind. First, my brothers and sisters left it to me to decide to take her off the life support system. It was the most unpalatable decision I ever made in my life. Second, I run out of tears a few minutes before she breathed her last. I was so scared to witness it, I stayed away. I should have held her hands when she did, the way she spent countless sleepless nights watching over me as a severely asthmatic child.
Very soon, I will be going through the same route. How will my children treat me? How would you treat your parents?
Tags: convenience store, cruel twist, easy prey, elderly parents, familiar faces, give love, home care, nursing home, strange room
